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Yarn
A recent study indicated that yarn and thread give off certain Pheromones that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase unreasonable amounts.
When stored in large quantities, in enclosed spaces, the pheromones (in the yarn) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have, before the onset of winter, i.e. the storing of food), therefore, perpetuating their species and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut into pieces and mixed with others.
Sound tests have also revealed that these yarns emit a very high- pitched sound, heard only by a select few, a breed of women known as "loomers." When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants, "buy me, loom me, and wind me into a ball."
In order to overcome the so called "feeding frenzy effect" that these yarns cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a yarn store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!).
Studies have also indicated, that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effects that these yarns have on the human population. They are called "YARN STORE CLERKS".
It's also been experienced that these same pheromones cause a pathological need to hide these yarn purchases when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash.) When asked by a significant other if the yarn is new, the reply is "I've had it for a while."
Author Unknown
*I'm not sure if this joke is protected by copyright (it was a re-post on a few knitting message boards). I tried to find copyright information, authorship, or anything at all, but my efforts were in vain. If someone does know if my posting this violates a copyright, please let me know so I can remove it. Thanks a bunch!
My favorite time and place to KIP is trivia night or karaoke night at a local steak house that tries to do the "real bar" thing after the kitchen closes. It's certainly not the BEST bar around, but the food is tasty, the regulars are good people, and the staff pretty much leaves me alone (without charging me for a Coke - always a plus). I love it there. It's my Cheers (although, not everybody knows my name. I'm still calling it my Cheers, because it's "my" bar - through thick and thin, no matter how lame or cool it happens to be at the moment). But that's all beside the point. On to the knitting.More often than not, while KIP'ing at this establishment (or anywhere/time there is music), I find myself knitting to the beat of the music. Understandably, it's more likely to happen when the pattern is basic and calls for "mindless knitting" (mostly made up of knitting and/or purling numerous stitches in a row). When I find myself in this "knitting trance", the beat sets the pace, and it's just me, my needles, and the music. Everything else disappears. It's very meditative, and has become almost addicting. I think I have finally found MY thing; that thing that I make time for, that I do just for me (sans children and husband) to relax and unwind. I never in my life thought I would say this, but karaoke night keeps me sane (I don't sing, and certainly never would have been bold enough to KIP in previous years). Who would have thought that putting these two things together is all that I've been missing?Which leads to what I'd like to find in a knitting group. It would be nice to find a group of people who are willing to go out to a potentially loud, sometimes smoky establishment on a Friday or Saturday night to drink (or not drink - I typically only drink Coke or Pepsi), enjoy the music and atmosphere, and knit for a while. It doesn't have to be at the place I mentioned above. Any kind of night life will do. I honestly have only a mild interest in meeting at a bookstore, park, or coffee shop (I love all of these places, but I kind of want my "me" time to be at establishments that I'm not likely to visit with kids in tow). Maybe some day knitting in public will catch on in the Kansas City area. Until then, I guess I'll be knitting to the beat with the non-knitters.
